


Flesh Without Blood

by memoireantiques



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Conflicting Feelings About Love, Feelings, Feels, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, falling out of love?, literally a fic about mika's feelings of shu, mentions of !, mentions of depression, mentions of former valkyrie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29812374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memoireantiques/pseuds/memoireantiques
Summary: The love died slowly and painfully. Like a flower. A slow, painfully tragic death. It wasn’t beautiful. It was ugly and the hurt hurt more than any wound. The golden age of their love was long past. A dull, rusting love was all that was left.
Relationships: Itsuki Shuu/Kagehira Mika
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	Flesh Without Blood

**Author's Note:**

> a slight vent fic about my own insecurities and whatnot. it's lso just me dumping words and a tad of an analysis of shu from mika's perspective. and a shmk fic, as i'm a major shmk fan and they're so perfect for angst.
> 
> title has nothing to do with the fic itself, but it's the title one of my favorite songs ever. it's by grimes if you want to check it out.

He laid there. Empty and rotting. 

His room was dark and the only light was a thin sliver of moonlight coming through the window and hitting his legs. He looked towards the ceiling and let his hand rest on his cool forehead. Beside him was his unit mate and lover, Shu Itsuki. 

The love died slowly and painfully. Like a flower. A slow, painfully tragic death. It wasn’t beautiful. It was ugly and the hurt hurt more than any wound. The golden age of their love was long past. A dull, rusting love was all that was left. 

Itsuki brought him so much pain. Even if he is a caring person, he is emotionally unavailable past the point of no return. He’s emotionally numb and doesn’t know how to express emotion without yelling or using cruel words. Even if he loved Mika, Mika isn’t sure he could love that version of his Oshi-san. He wants a Shu that’s happy. A Shu that doesn’t shut down and fall into depression deeper than Marianas Trench at the slightest hint of failure. A Shu that felt understood by more people but himself. A Shu that hates himself and works himself to death. 

He loved Shu. He truly did. He still does. The pain of seeing his lover. His savior. His Oshi-san. His light. Shu put Mika’s own care before his own. He would demand him to stay up all night and get to a healthier weight, to only not eat or sleep himself. 

Even if Shu yelled at him over not doing something right, he knew he didn’t mean it. He’s a perfectionist. He never meant it when he called him a useless piece of junk or a doll. He just doesn’t know how to express it any other way. He wouldn’t change it for the world. Shus expression of his love wasn’t with gifts or kind words. Dates or even sex never expressed his love. His harsh words, and his micromanaging care. 

He doesn’t want to see Shu shut down. He doesn’t want to repeat last year. He doesn’t want to do what Nazuna-nii did to them. He doesn’t want to see his beloved Oshi-san sit there, unable to move or eat for months. Who would nurse him back to health if he was all he had? Who would be there to see him through his good days and his bad days. Who would be the one to spark ideas and create artworks. He wants to stand there, holding his hand as they absorb all of their great glory. All of their awards. The reward of success in the idol industry for the literal blood, sweat, and tears they put into their together.

He laid there. Empty and rotting. Hating himself. What is wrong with him? Shu is always so kind to him. So understanding on his good days. He will never understand. He is such a screw up. No matter how hard he worked, no matter the jobs he took, he would never be able to love Shu the way he loves him. He won’t even be able to love himself the way Shu does. 

He turned his head to look at the sleeping pinkette. He was snoring quietly and he was tranquil. He looked relaxed. His Oshi-san was never relaxed. He was always stressed and he could see invisible gray hairs start to grow everyday as he worked his life away. He was always up until the crack of dawn working on a project. May it be a commission for a client, outfits for their unit, or even creating musical masterpieces for them to sing with Tsukinaga. A relaxed Shu was so soft, so gentle. Someone he could cry to. Someone he could trust with all of his secrets and woes. Someone who had his back. This is his Shu, but never shown as often as he’d wish.

This was his Shu and nobody else's. Maybe it’ll sort itself out. Maybe it will get better. He’ll never know. Change is scary. They were artists, together. Lovers, together. Nothing will change that. 

Maybe it is better to say quiet. He doesn't want their romance to fail. He will never discuss his feelings. He doesn’t want to disappoint Shu. Instead, he’ll push it aside and wake up tomorrow to a new day and back to the cycle.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep gently. curling up closer to his lover and smiling gently as tears trickled down slowly. He wouldn’t trade this for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed!! :) i'm not too good with writing but i feel accomplished writing this, even if it's short. mika's such an empathetic pushover, i love him. he cares too much. he's my favorite character for a good reason, shmk is my favorite ship ever lol. it's so complex and both characters are well written and fun to write about.


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